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Content/ Organization/ Style/ Technicalities
Overall Goal
My overall goal is to understand the impact of Corona-virus on the lives of the infected people in China, as well as the people around them.
Relevant Feedback
A peer suggested that I should specify the method of sample collection, together with the demographics of my sample population in the research provides complete information on the aim of the research. Also, explaining the reason for choice of the sample population is appropriate, therefore, I should mention the reason for the choice of sample group.
Content
My Overall Goal
This essay focuses on the impact of coronavirus on the lives of individuals affected and also the family and friends of infected population. The population in China is having physical, psychological and health effects that affect their normal activities and operations. People are suffering from health effects of the disease, have fear of the future and is affecting their mental state due to lack of peace of mind. I touch on both of these giving a brief summary so the reader could get a sense of where the information was coming from. I explain this throughout the essay, mentioning their opinion.
Relevant Feedback
Feedback: A rating form 1-5, 5 being the most successful writing paper. I would rate this intro and conclusion a one. This is because they did not give a detailed background for their discourse community as well, they did not mention the position they are in from this community.
Provide a critique and question. You presented your observation without explicitly attempting to argue against, find a gap, raise a question, or continue a tradition.
Remove rhetorical questions. So, right here I felt like as a reader I was left hanging. When writing an essay, if you ask questions you want to answer them as you ask them and make it obvious that you are answering those questions.
Name articles, authors and page numbers. The author included three different sources and analyzed their information, but does not introduce the name of the article. I was a bit confused by this.
Provide reason for analyzing the specific group. I am kind of curious about why you want to research this particular group of people.
Organization
My Overall Goal
For the research, I choose to write on a point by point method that is by mentioning one impact and how it affects the population, followed by another. A reviewer stated that my introduction requires a description of the reason for the choice of the topic and the sample population. Hence, I need to fix the introduction.
Structure- The structure of my essay is fine for the most part, i just need to do some moving around so things make more sense. Doing point by point helped me organize my thoughts by grouping ideas together. – Organize thoughts
Relevant Feedback
For the collection of data, I think I should include an alternative method of data collection and storage so that incase one fails, I will have another to help in getting the required information.
Style
My Overall Goal
Provide a style of writing that is understandable to audience and easy flow of information and ideas. This includes the explanation of the context, method of data collection, analysis and lastly the discussion to provide the series of information required.
Relevant Feedback
The method is appropriate for the research. Just ensure there is full information for each category of the research.
Technicalities
My Overall Goal
My main struggle may be my In-text citations, i need to spend more time making sure the little things are correct so it doesn’t hurt my grade. fixing my citations and adding a work cited page will also be another major step i take in completing my essay.
Relevant Feedback
The author included three different sources and analyzed their information, but does not introduce the name of the article. I was a bit confused by this. Therefore, I need to include the incite citations and page numbers of the author articles.
Death of a Planet
Death of a Planet
Air pollution is a very big problem in the United States. A large part of air pollution comes from cars. The Environmental Protection Agency says, “The most polluting activity an average person does every day is drive their car”(1 factsheet OMS-5). Most people probably aren’t aware that they are polluting the environment. Maybe if everyone knew how serious this pollution problem is, they would find ways to reduce the pollution.
Most pollution that is released by cars comes from the exhaust, mainly in the form of hydrocarbons (1 factsheet, OMS-5). Hydrocarbons are organic compounds, a combination of two or more elements that contain only carbon and hydrogen (2 factsheet, OMS-5). Hydrocarbons are released when fuel in the engine burns partially. When hydrocarbons come in contact with sunlight they form ground level ozone. Ground level ozone is a major ingredient in the formation of smog. Ground level ozone is responsible for irritating eyes, damaging lungs, and it complicating respiratory problems. Hydrocarbons aren’t the only pollutants released through car exhaust.
Two more pollutants released through car exhaust are carbon monoxide and nitrogen oxide. The first reduces the flow of oxygen to the bloodstream, and could harm people with heart disease. Nitrogen oxide is formed when a car engine gets hot. It contains chemicals that aid in the formation of ground level ozone as well as acid rain (2 factsheet, OMS-5). Acid rain destroys the outsides of buildings, statues, etc. Acid rain can also contaminate drinking water, damage vegetation, and destroy sea life. These two pollutants are two of the most dangerous pollutants released through car exhaust. If these two pollutants were cut down just a little bit our planet would be a safer place to live.
Carbon dioxide is another gas released through exhaust emissions. It isn’t dangerous directly to humans, but it is considered to be a “greenhouse gas.” A “greenhouse gas” is a gas that is associated with global warming. Global warming is the gradual increase of temperature due to human activity. Certain gases, such as carbon dioxide, methane, and ozone allow radiation from the sun to break through the atmosphere and go to the earth’s surface. Global warming affects all living things on the entire planet (4 factsheet OMS-5).
Another type of hydrocarbon pollutant occurs through fuel evaporation. These hydrocarbon pollutants are produced four different ways. The first way is called diurnal. This is when the venting of gasoline vapors occurs due to the temperature of the car’s engine rising. The second way is running losses. This is the venting of gasoline when the car’s engine is running.
The third way is called hot soak. Hot soak occurs when gasoline evaporates after the car has been turned off. The fourth way additional hydrocarbons are released occurs when a person is refueling a car. This occurs when a person fills up their gas tank. While the tank is being filled gasoline vapors are forced out. One way to cut down on this type of pollution is to have the car tuned properly. The refueling problem can be reduced with the use of vapor recovery system.
This system traps the vapor inside the tank. These systems are present at many gas stations in highly polluted areas (4 factsheet, OMS-5).
Some cities around the world are very dangerous to live in because of car pollution. One city is Athens, Greece. In Athens the number of deaths rises on days with greater air pollution.
Just breathing the air in Bombay is the same as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day (97
Brown). Over 150 million people in the United States live in areas where the Environmental
Protection Agency considers the air to be unhealthy. The American Lung Association says, “The unhealthy air leads to 120, 000 deaths every year” (97 Brown). The citizens of earth are killing themselves. They are killing themselves for convenience. Even though the actions taken by the government and car manufacturers have reduced car emissions a lot since 1970, the number of miles an average person travels in a day has doubled (4 factsheet OMS-4). The average person must find a way to reduce the number of miles he or she drives. One way to do these is to car pool. If a large number of people started to car pool, pollution produced by cars would be reduced. This would reduce the amount of smog in urban areas, making these polluted areas a better place to live.
There are many other alternatives to reduce car emissions besides carpooling. One possible solution is to use fuels cleaner than gasoline. There are many types of alternative fuels that could be used, and the number of fuels increases as technology becomes more advanced.
One type of alternative fuel is alcohol. One type of alcohol is methanol. Methanol is made from natural gas and coal. Another type of alcohol is ethanol. Ethanol is produced from grains or sugar. Cars fueled by alcohol could produce as much as 80 to 90 percent less emissions than cars fueled with gasoline. Both methanol and ethanol are high octane liquid fuels. The reason why these two fuels are possible alternatives is because they are efficient and made from natural ingredients, and they pollute less (4 factsheet, OMS-4).
Another alternative fuel is electricity. This isn’t a very efficient fuel right now, because the technology is limited. Recent advances in the production of electric cars could make this a reality in the future. It is possible for cars powered with electricity to release little or no emissions. If this alternative fuel becomes a reality and is used in most cars, it will knock a big chunk out of the pollution problem all around the world (5 factsheet, OMS-5).
Another alternative fuel is natural gas. Natural gas is only good for cars where driving long distances isn’t important. It is possible for natural gas to produce 85 percent to 95 percent less emissions than gasoline fueled cars (5 factsheet, OMS-5). With this alternative fuel car emissions could be reduced a great deal to benefit the entire world.
Another way to reduce pollution released by gasoline powered cars is to test them for dangerous amounts of pollutants regularly. Emissions testing programs are already in effect in California, Arizona, and Colorado. Texas will have an emissions testing program soon. The test is very simple. A car is tested for hydrocarbons and other ground level ozone forming chemicals that are released through car exhaust. If the level of pollutants is high, the car fails the test. Then the car must be taken to a mechanic, so the engine can be tuned to release fewer chemicals into the air. After the car is taken to a mechanic and repaired, the car is tested again. This test does cost the car owner money, but it’s a small price to pay for the reduction of pollutants released by cars (105 Brown).
Researchers are working on a machine that can test cars for hydrocarbon pollution while the car is on the road. This system is called the remote sensing device. The device is placed on the side of the road. As a car drives by it measures the level of hydrocarbon emissions released by the car. The system can’t measure nitrogen oxide emissions yet, but researchers are working on another system to go along with this device. If the car is releasing a high level of hydrocarbon emissions a video camera takes a picture of the car’s license plate, and sends the license plate number and the emissions data to a computer (1 factsheet, OMS-15). Then the owner of the car is notified about the polluting car, and they are required to have the problem fixed (2 factsheet,
OMS-15). If remote sensing devices are used to detect hydrocarbon emissions, polluting cars can be recognized sooner than regular testing, done year by year. If the remote sensing devices are used people don’t have to worry about their car being tested. They just have to get their car repaired when the device says it’s polluting the environment.
Air pollution caused by cars is a serious problem that can be reduced by average everyday people. If the citizens of earth don’t act fast, and reduce the amount of pollution caused world-wide, earth will be a horrible place to live. If something isn’t done soon there might not be a place to live at all.
Works Cited
Brown, Lester R. The World Watch Reader: On Environmental Issues.
NewYurk:Norton, 1991.97-105.
The Environmental Protection Agency. Automobiles and Ozone: Factsheet OMS-4. http://www.epa.gov/OMS WWW/04-ozone.htm. 1993. 4.
The Environmental Protection Agency. Automobile Emission: An overiew: Factsheet
OMS-5. http://www.epa.gov/OMS www/05-autos.htm.1994.1-5.
The Environmental Protection Agency. Remote Sensing: A Supplemental Tool for
Vehicle Emission Control: Factsheet OMS-15. http://www.epa.gov/OMS www/
15-remot.htm.1993.1-2.
content editing
content editing
Editing is the process of selecting, arranging and preparing text, visual or audio data and processing it through making corrections, organizing and making modifications on the content in the file so as to produce a consistent, accurate and complete content. As an editor one looks at the grammar, sentence structure, consistency to the topic, flow of the paragraphs and the ability of reader to understand what has been written (Gross, 1993).
Both chapters in general are suitable for publishing the grammar content in both chapters is generally up to standard. However a few grammatical errors are present in the kmg text; there is a bit of repetition in some of the sentences. Misspellings too are present in the text. It would be best if the text was revised so as to correct the small errors that are present so as to publish a complete text free from grammatical errors which would make reading the content harder for the reader (Fidge, 2002). The kmd chapter does not contain any grammatical errors and based on grammar it is suitable for publishing. The sentences have been constructed in a clear way and the reader would find it easier to read and understand the content.
Both the kmd and kmg chapters have clear and consistent paragraphing. The contents of the paragraphs are in alignment to on e another. As the writer is explaining both about psychology and its relation to other sciences and the relation between reductionism and holistic disciplines, they have arranged and organised the contents in the paragraphs in such a way that the content is understood from the top; the previous paragraph explains and introduces the next paragraph for example the evolution of psychology explains and gives reader information and what to expect in the current and future studies. This makes understanding of the context a whole lot easier, the reader gets to have a preview of what will be next. For example in the kmd text the writer explains about reductionism its history, then its definition; later they talk about holistic and give its history and then final eventually does a comparison of the two.
As a reader and learner, both texts are suitable and understandable to read, both chapters could be sold too. According to how the author has organized and done their best to expound and clarify the meaning of the context, based on the respective topics. The writer has researched and put into consideration any data relevant to the topics. They have first started with the definition of what psychology, sociology, cognitive sciences are. Then the author goes ahead to illustrate the evolution of each science, then compares psychology to the other social sciences and economics. This makes both chapters suitable and content self explanatory for sale to the public. The content is also written in a language and vocabulary that is easily read and understood.
With the sophisticated definitions and clear and parallel paragraphing of the work and content in the chapters; through also use of easy to understand vocabulary and sticking to the topic, the writer is able to put across what the chapters are meant for and what they are supposed to represent and explain. Both chapters are able to expound and discuss what is required to make the readers and students gain knowledge about what psychology, reductionism and holistic is. The author explains their origin and their relation to human beings, what roles each component plays. The aim of the topics is to give the reader knowledge about what the topic requires. The writer has used both history and the present information on both reductionism and holistic to explain behaviour in psychology.
Generally, the contexts are both satisfactory and have more positivity to them than negativity. The paragraphs are aligned properly, with each paragraph giving ample information. The writer has also taken the liberty to research and get more information from different sources. The author too has properly cited and referenced their work. This is an advantage to the reader since it helps the reader be able to access more information or he/ she would want to get any clarification on a certain point they can be able to access it. The topic sentence introduces the paragraph, while the paragraph explains or gives meaning to the topic sentence. Use of illustrations too has aided in making it easier to understand the text.
The author of the kmd and kmg chapters has done their best to explain and clarify on all the topics to be discussed. They have gathered enough information to make the content more informed and able to carry a lot of meaning and definition that makes it enough for the reader to understand. Through the use of illustrations and a clear definition of the origin of each content, aids one to know the beginning and growth of psychology, reductionism and holistic.
In conclusion both the chapters, through a quick revision would be appropriate for publication. With the clear definition of what psychology is and its study and relation to the other social sciences and also the comparison of reductionism and holistic relative to psychology and study of behaviour, the readers are assured of quality material for reading.
Fidge, L. (2002). Grammar. London: Letts Educational.
Gross, G. (1993). Editors on editing: what writers need to know about what editors do (3rd completely rev. ed.). New York: Grove Press.