My Creative Transformation

Name

Institution

My Creative Transformation

I am a 48 year old African American female and mother to two adult daughters, 20 and 24. I am passionate about being a mother and making sure my daughters are successful. They both are living away from home and hence my interaction with them is mostly through the phone and when they visit. I am also passionate about impacting on the high divorce rate among African Americans, and I offer couples counseling pro bono to try and make a difference in this situation. I spend most of my time on my professional work as my children do not require much of my attention. A more fulfilling life for me means one where I can pursue my passion of helping couples through counseling enabling them handle their issues in a better way and preventing divorce. In cases where the couples have already gone through divorce, help the children go through it without making faulty decisions and destroy their view of marriage and most importantly enable them adjust properly to their new way of life.

As a professional woman, I would like to make a noteworthy difference in my private and professional life that will help me let go of inhibitions, which hold me back and give me a difficult time in achieving my goals and dreams. In addition, as a parent, I would like to maintain a good relationship with my daughters especially now since they are mature and about to start their own families. I would like to be more involved in their lives and be there when they need my help. My dream is to live a healthier lifestyle and help couples who are in trouble by offering counseling. In addition, I would like to help children from divorced couples as they usually bear the worst of the divorce having to make drastic changes in their lives. My transformation will make my life more fulfilling and satisfying.

In personal life, I would like to have a healthy and wellness oriented lifestyle. To do this, I will incorporate a healthy diet, and physical activity through dance and exercise. While helping me improve my general physical wellbeing, this will also enable me to keep at bay diseases associated with unhealthy lifestyle such as obesity and diabetes which are more prevalent among older people. To do this, I will need to change my whole attitude towards my eating habits and include only foods that are healthy in my diet. Exercising at least thrice a week will help me stay in shape, and further act as a stress reliever when things are hectic. It is also beneficial for me to have some time when I can take care of my personal needs. This includes regularly having some me time in order to recuperate and enable me to do my professional work better. I have always wanted to take dancing lessons, and this is a good opportunity to finally do them. They will enable me engage in something separate for my normal day to day life shifting my focus to myself instead on others as most of my profession requires me to. In addition, it will be interesting learn a new hobby especially at my age. Being in good physical and mental health will enhance my confidence and ability to achieve my other dreams.

Another aspect of my life that needs transforming before I am able to work well professionally is my relationship with my children. As a mother of two adult daughters, my involvement in their lives had greatly decreased compared to when they were little. It is, therefore, beneficial for me nature my ability to sustain a good relationship with them. This will include regular telephone calls that will allow us to keep in touch with each other and visits whenever possible. Regular communication is a key ingredient in maintaining good relationships, and I will, therefore, invest some time in ensuring it is maintained. To ensure this is possible, I will set some time aside specific time when we can talk at least twice or thrice a week if not more often. In addition, we will organize regular visits especially during holidays to ensure we maintain our connection. Once my personal life is in order, I can now embark on my profession with zeal.

The rate of divorce is generally at an all time high across all races. This is because people are basically more accepting of divorce these days compared to before and enter marriage with the notion that if things do not work out they can always get out. According to research, the divorce rate among African Americans is higher compared to other races in America. African Americans have little desire for marriage. A few of them compared to the whites get married, but they are more prone to divorce than white (Sweeny & Phillips, 2004). This is usually as a result of their experiences and perceptions concerning marriage based on the environment in which they grew. The Hispanics treat marriages in a way similar to that of whites. For instance, Mexican Americans have positive attitudes toward marriage and equally have a higher rate of marriages than African American. Their marital unions rarely end in divorces compared to the blacks (Raley et al., 2004). The attitudes and values couples have towards marriage determined how successful their marriage will be, and whether it will end up in divorce or will endure their lifetime.

Religious affiliations may sometimes have an influence on how people view marriage. An example is that those who follow the beliefs of the Catholic Church are less likely to get divorced as the church is less permissive of it. Married couples should know that the quality of their marriage life is dependent on them, and hence they should work hard to earn the best they can out of it. To deal with these issues, a lot of effort has to be put into coming up with measures to help couples deal with their issues in other ways other than divorce. Divorce needs to stop being the first option for couples who are having trouble in their marriages. The actions I intend to take aim at reducing the appeal divorce has to couples especially the younger generation and educating them on the other options available when they are having problems.

This is the main reason why I have an interest in working with couples to help in reducing this prevalence. I would like to broaden my pro bono work to include children of divorced or separated parents deal with the issues that come with it. While counseling couples who are having trouble with their marriage and/or relationships, I will be able to learn the reasons that make it more prevalent among African Americans. Children from divorced parents are usually more likely to get divorced themselves compared to those who are from parents who are still together. In addition, they grow up having adjustment issues as a result of the divorce. These include less financial resources and living with one parent, which may have a significant influence on how they development both social and otherwise. This is the reason why I want to help children from such families to enable them change their attitudes from distrust of the marriage institution to having some faith in it. Getting the skills and knowledge required to implement my vision is the first step in my transformation process.

To get the necessary skills and knowledge, I will do short courses in youth studies to enable me learn how to deal with young people. It will enable me to gain skills in how to get them to open up and the appropriate approach to enable them handle the issues that arise from divorce. I will also have to learn more about relationship issues that lead to divorce. This will be useful in counseling young people who are not yet married and are planning to by teaching them about the red flags to identify. In addition, they can also learn conflict resolution and how to address their issues. In order to learn this, I would have to conduct research on the core issues that lead to high divorce rates such as low household income and young age during marriage. Information collected from the research will enable me to learn the reasons why the Blacks have a higher prevalence compared to the others. This will enable me to tailor my approaches towards reducing the high prevalence rates among them. Approaches used during counseling the different groups, children and couples, are meant to realize the best outcomes for each of them.

Once I am well empowered to handle these issues, I will be able to make a difference among the different groups I work with. To enhance my couples counseling work, I will also include a program for couples who are not yet married especially from the African American community. Dealing with issues that might arise after they get married will help them deal with them in a more proactive way and may prevent or at least delay divorce. Pre marriage counseling will enable the couples understand each other better and learn ways of keeping their marriage spiced up. It will also evaluate whether or not they are ready for marriage or they are moving too fast. This is one of the main reasons for divorce as they do not know each other well enough and, therefore, when the other person starts revealing their true colors they are unable to handle it hence breaking the marriage.

In addition to one on one couple counseling, I’ll organize seminars where young couples are invited to attend, and facilitators who are relationship experts invited to help them and advise them if they are already having problems. Seminars and workshops will also be organized for college students as they are within the age bracket where they are going to settle down and get married soon. The seminars and workshops will provide advice on how to deal with marital issues and what to expect during marriage. Most young people get married thinking marital life will be bliss and hence when things get harder they opt to get out instead of sticking in it and working on it. The information received during these seminars will contribute to their attitudes towards relationships and marriage and may have a positive impact on their lives. This can be handled the services of colleges which normally have such events lined up in the school calendar. Early consultation with the colleges will ensure that the seminars are included, and facilitators availed.

Divorce rates are higher among younger couples than the older ones. This is because the younger couples are more rush and are not patient enough to wait and see if things will get better. Sessions where there will be interactions between older and younger couples will be introduced to achieve a kind of mentorship relationship between the two couples. Older couples will provide insight to the younger ones about marriages and its challenges. They are also able to advise them on issues they are going through as they have probably been in the same position themselves. This kind of interaction will help in the passage of the values that were considered crucial in the olden days such as perseverance and patience that contributed to longer marriages. The older couple, on the other hand, learns of spontaneity that is normally associated with young couples and its benefits in a marriage. The relationship is, therefore, mutual among the two groups.

Although a considerable risk of disruption of families has always been present, in current time, is more likely to come about through divorce than death (Amato 1994). Children are the most affected by divorces which may lead them to act up n school and engage in harmful behavior that may affect them throughout their lives. To gain a proper understanding of the effect of divorce on children, it is essential to evaluate how divorce modifies the total pattern of resources and stressors in the lives of the children (Amato 1994). Their whole lives are massed up, and they must keep up with the changes brought by divorce. They are normally caught up in the middle of the events taking place and do not know what to do and hence are normally left harboring feelings of anger, guilt and confusion that manifests itself in their behavior. In dealing with children from divorced parents, I will work with schools and community centers to identify those who need help dealing with the issues. Counseling is provided to the children to enable them understand that they have no role in their parents’ divorce as well as give them advice on coping mechanisms they can use such as getting involved in extracurricular activities to deal with anger and confusion they may feel about the separation. Parents will also be required to participate in these sessions so as to know and understand their children’s feelings and reassure them as well as gain insight on the best actions to take. They should ascertain that they have the ability to handle any anxiety they may be feeling due to their marital issues. This counseling will also help in preventing wayward behavior among these young due to confusion and disruption of their day to day lives.

In conclusion, all these transformations will lead towards seeing my vision of contributing to the reduction of the high rate of divorce rates among African Americans and helping children who are faced by the imminent divorce of their parents. This will be done in five stages. This will be done by changing the perception of marriage by young people through holding seminars and workshops for them so as to pass information concerning how to deal with issues that are common in marriages and resolve them. Encouraging interactions between older couples and younger ones for mentorship purposes will enable them to have more perspective on marriage. Older couples will help the younger couple by advising them which will give them better resilience within their own marriages and be able to work through any issue that may arise. Providing pre marriage counseling will be an effective way of equipping the couples for marriage and whatever it throws at them. The last action in the transformation process is in helping the children of parents who are about to divorce or have divorced to deal with the situation and enable them channel their feelings in the right direction and prevent destructive behavior. In improving the quality of my personal life by ensuring I am fit and healthy and cultivating a good relationship with my daughters, I am able to spill these over to my work as I can concentrate better and with more confidence. These transformations will help me have a more fulfilling life where I am able to contribute to couples staying together and a community where marriage is viewed as a lasting institution.

References

Sweeney, M.M. & Phillips, J.A. (2004). Understanding racial differences in marital disruption: Recent trends and explanations. Journal of Marriage and Family 66, 239-250.

Raley, R.K., et al.. (2004). Understanding Mexican-American marriage patterns using a life-course approach. Social Science Quarterly 85, 872-890.

Amato, .R. (1994). Life-Span Adjustment of Children to Their Parents’ Divorce. The Future of Children 4, 143-164.

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