Prewriting and Introductory paragraph

You don’t need that—just put your real title here now.

Shaji Mitchell

Rising in Every fall

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. — Confucius.

According to Confucius, your use first person “our” to avoid pronoun inconsistency greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time you fall. Like the handout I gave you all at the beginning says, famous quotes aren’t the best way to lead into your essay. Now, if you wanted to use it as an epigraph beneath the title, that would be more appropriate. See above. My mother held clarify what you mean by “held” this quote, and every time we specify who “we” is here. felt lost, in despair, and disappointed for failing to achieve our goals, she always reminded us of this. I lived by it because she was always my pillar. She believed that we had the power to do anything we wanted irrespective of the forces that pulled us down. I think try to avoid “I think”…”feel”…”believe” unless you really want to emphasize uncertainty; otherwise, it weakens your prose. that is why she failed to be around every time be more precise since she knew I would always have the solution. When my mother was asked about me, she used three words, “strong, determined, and brave.” I never believed it at first but thinking about the failures; you’re separating the thought with a semicolon for some reason; all it does there is makes your first clause a sentence fragment. I was able to turn to successes; I had more hope in myself. When the going gets tough, I would look myself in the mirror and communicate to the person deep within, “I am strong, focused, and I’ll manage.” The words are always magical because they helped have helped? (because they still do, right?) pull me through the difficulties. My strength lies in critical thinking, hard work, and determination to get what I want.

This is supposed to be your autobiography. While this paragraph may eventually necessitate your talking about your community, don’t do it in the transition or opening of the paragraph. The focus there should be totally on you. Specify what you mean by “my community” My community values education this appears to need punctuation advocates for a learned community for both boys and girls. However, the education part is not worth reflecting on. Then why even bring it up? The astonishing thing is that some subjects are considered masculine. The community instead dismisses you can find a more precise term, maybe discourages… from pursuing? female students to pursue science and mathematics courses as two things, so “they” not it. it is considered masculine. I remember in high school, mathematics was a challenge to me and my family saw this as a normal fact. To them, ladies were considered linguistics linguists (linguistics is the study of language, not the student) and not scientists. Each time I got my results back, the question would be, “What did you score in mathematics?” It is like the community aren’t you mainly talking about your family? wanted to prove their concept every time I failed and were contended contented that it was true and no one could do anything about it. I was convinced and was comfortable with my scores. After all, it was not a problem what do you mean? If it wasn’t a problem, why are you talking about it? for anyone. Why should it be to me? It was until I moved to a new city that I realized I was blinded. By what? To what? You only failed if it mattered to you. I’m lost. Yes, I had fallen, but now I had to make a change.

My new challenge was to disapprove of disprove? my society and family by showing them that women also had that strength they considered masculine specifically what? Why did you want to do this? Tell the story; don’t just give us the outside outlines of it. The negative comments were very many. Okay, I’m thoroughly confused. Why did you persist in mathematics if, as you said before, it didn’t matter to you? You have to show us why it became important at some point in your life…“The performances will not improve,” “She cannot achieve those targets,” “mathematics is not a lady’s use single quotation marks for quotes within quotes.‘thing,’” and “she should stop.” Who said these things? I heard them all. However, I had decided to open their eyes and to see the positivity in one hard work this is much too vague. As each of the propagandas arose, a positive response proved them wrong don’t write so vaguely Instead, “every time my parents brought up more propaganda about how women aren’t able to be scientists or mathematicians, I would try even harder to prove them wrong. I would take that upper level calculus course. I would ace the course even if it took hours of studying each day. I was determined, because (specify why! What goals were you trying to achieve? Was it just to prove them wrong, or did you have a mission—to be a doctor? An engineer? A researcher who wanted to find the cure for something? Be specific.). My mother was the only one who believed in me. She knew my determination made well, “would enable” maybe? (as you’re still showing us your struggle here) me achieve my goals. My last grade in high school was high; no one believed it. You need to be much more specific about this.

The situation seemed to reoccur. This was my calling why specifically in terms of math and science? Aren’t there other things that they would’ve been equally dismissive of for women? in my community; the semicolon is incorrect here; it is used primarily to separate two whole sentences and what follows here is simply an infinitive phrase. to ensure that both male and female individuals get the required equality, especially in education. I had a role in showing positivity and the abilities of the females in the science and mathematics sector this is really vague. What role? Were you the first person in your entire “community” (which you MUST specify at some point) to achieve this? Clarify that role. After high school, I volunteered in one of the community schools as a science and mathematics teacher. During the first month, all my activities, classes, and work was closely monitored due to the failure to believe in a female mathematics teacher. Wait? How were you teaching without a college degree and certification? Maybe that’s why you were closely monitored, not because you are female? There are a lot of women who teach science and math. My first biology teacher in high school fifty years ago was a woman who got her PhD in biology….I’m confused.. As they who are “they”? worked to identify my failures, the performance of the students was improving. I supported the students to get better results each time assessments were made. I had more roles within the same department, working with science projects and mathematics contests to improve the students’ performances. “Teaching is a calling,” They said, “it requires passion and willingness to perform and impart knowledge to learners, which a female cannot have.” Where were you, Shaji? You need to tell us these things, because what you’re saying doesn’t compute in the U.S. Since your last name is Mitchell, I have been assuming that you’re an American. If you’re not or if you’re a naturalized American who was raised elsewhere, this will make much more sense. My passion for learning and teaching mathematics was without training (except for what you had received in your own high school classes? The methods you had used to improve your own performance in math?), but the learners could get the concepts and perform better. The expertise arose from reading books and gaining knowledge, who is doing this? You or the students. Keep the focus more clearly on YOU. which gave them confidence in the subjects and the inner ability to tackle the challenges that came with it. At one time, I was sitting in one of the tea rooms, studying a science book while preparing for the next sessions with students. A male English teacher put in past tense; keep verb tenses consistent unless you signal a reason for rhe change. gets in the room and shouts at me, claiming that I am trying to demean them. What? Why would he do this? I’m very confused. You need to fill in the details that will eliminate that confusion. According to their perception, my indulgence participation? (don’t call it “indulgence,” unless you put it into quotation marks; otherwise, it just feeds into their prejudices) in science and mathematics departments is a form of activity that demeans men’s ability to associate with greater things this is much too vague and really doesn’t tell us anything more about YOU anyway. Remember, this is YOUR autobiography.. However, I used the knowledge I had to train them my students to become better. Explain this—Are you saying that you were able to set up a program to train more young women like yourself to teach? That’s extraordinary if that’s the case. You need to elaborate about it. Show how your drive, your refusal to be told you weren’t capable of doing these things led you to enable others to achieve their goals as well. But, we need a detailed story about this. The trainer training other trainer programs started within the community school. My goal had been achieved. This was just the first experience which was the realization of my capabilities.

Since I was 15, I had one friend that everyone knew about her what about her? Or, are you simply saying everyone knew you two were best friends?. She was with me in most of my experiences and helped me get solutions that we encountered in life. Be more explicit about her helping you solve problems, precisely what your dreams were, etc. We had dreams, and each day we reminded ourselves of those dreams and swore to help each other achieve them. She had a sibling brother or sister? and was raised by a single mum. Since the sibling was younger, her dream was to educate the sibling through high school and campus??? and succeed. We worked hard for this. I remember on one Saturday, she complained of a headache and was rushed to hospital. By evening she was better though still held in the hospital for more checkups. That evening I wanted to stay with her, but she insisted that I should go and have a rest since I had to go to church early the next day. I agreed since she was feeling better, and his mother had decided to stay over the night. The next day, I received a call that she was no more. Oh, heavens, I’m so sorry, Shaji. IT was shocking. How did that even happen!? She was had seemed so much? better, but such is life. It took a long to accept and get over it, but from that moment, I knew that I had to help accomplish her goals—the goals we set together, specifically on educating her sibling. This story helps explain some of your drive more clearly. My family advised me against promising her mum since I may fail to accomplish it. Being the stubborn and determined lady I am? , I made a promise I had to fulfill, and most of all, it was to honor my best friend.

The new experience was not easy. I did not have a well-paying job nor was I running any business that provided income, but deep within, I knew I could help my friend keep her goal as she had made earlier. I wrote a list of everything I could do to raise money for instance? that paid her fees fr high school and college studies. I thought of getting several jobs to maximize my income, start a business, run it solely to reduce expenses, maximize profits, and apply for scholarships from various sources. I decided to focus on getting sponsorship from an institution that provided a full scholarship to ensure that she could finish as she started college. I walked into different offices, checked various scholarship sites, and sent applications to individual and institution sponsors. I made calls and waited for feedback, but almost every day received the message, “I regret to inform you that you were not selected to receive this award this year. Please try again next year.” I got used to this message, and everyone was blaming me for promising something I knew I could not achieve. One day I received a message to go to one of the sponsor’s offices. “Your passion has been commended, and we are happy to award your applicant a full sponsorship for her undergraduate program.” I couldn’t nor hide my joy. I did it again, achieved the ‘impossible.’ Your persistence obviously paid off!

Now, tell us precisely where you are today in terms of setting and achieving your own goals.

I believe that it does not matter how many times we fail to achieve our goals. What matters is the number of times we are willing to get back the strength to focus more on achieving than the best than being stuck n the failures. My mum’s belief in me was based on an inner ability she seemed to have identified. Achieving the goals that help change the opinions of society and help another person depicted my strength and determination to be better each day. My desire to be better and achieve goals irrespective of the negativities within the society proved my determination to succeed.

It’s good, Shaji, but you need to fill in the details, tell more stories.