Family and marriage

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Family and marriage

Introduction

Many societies recognize the family as the foundation of all other components of a society. It has been the productive and economic unit of the society not to mention the political unit. Many societies opine that parental authority forms the state’s supporting microcosm. Family also makes the cultural and moral unit and inculcates social dispositions that cement and form the basis of the civilized society. It is noteworthy that not only is the family the state’s supporting microcosm but its precursor, since all societies spring from it. However, it is noteworthy that the family structure has changed tremendously. In the days gone by, extended families were the in-thing. However, nuclear families have become more prevalent, consisting of a father, mother and children, while excluding the extended members of the family. In addition, women have taken more active roles in running the affairs of the family. As Danielle Crittenden notes in her essay, “About Marriage,” women have become more empowered and, therefore, have more say in their choice of partners as well as whether to stay in marriages. Ironically, these developments have not brought them more happiness in their marriages or lives. This, however, does not mean that people should revert to the old marriage or family structures since even that had its fair share of limitations.

Does this mean that all is lost in family and marriage? Of course, not. Norman Rockwell offers important insights on family structures or rather how to ensure solidarity in the family. In the piece named, “A Family Tree, Freedom from Want, and Freedom from Fear”, Rockwell had three pictures. The first picture was of a family tree, which started with a child on top, followed by parents, uncles or aunties and then the ancestors. The second one named “freedom from want” showed an old woman bringing a large turkey to a table that is surrounded by the whole family. On the third picture, named “freedom from fear”, there is a woman tucking children to bed while a man is reading a newspaper whose headline is “Bombings”. These three pictures are a depiction of the families as they were in the 50s.

As much as this picture depicted families as they were more than half a century ago, there are varied lessons that we can learn about them.

To begin with, we cannot ignore the interconnected nature of family members. Irrespective of the ages of members of a family, every individual has a place and a role to play in safeguarding the existence of the family. While it may be arguable that extended families were stronger and allowed for more happiness, it is noteworthy that there was greater compactness. The family tree is in essence an indication as to the existence of free communication between all members of the family irrespective of their age or even position in the family. In this case, strong families are built on open communication (Rupured and Quick, 44). It is important that people of all generations be able to relate to each other and communicate or share on the various aspects of life. Studies show that the average married couple spends seventeen minutes in a conversation per week. This contrasts findings about strong families where members spend most of their time in conversation on matters of varied importance. Communication enhances connection since the family members would not only share ideas but also solve conflicts in a better manner (Rupured and Quick, 46).

In addition, one cannot ignore the importance of sufficiency. The second picture that has a woman presenting a large turkey to family members is not only about spending time together. It is also about sharing the resources that are available irrespective of the amount that one gets. The strength of the family would, in essence, be under threat if there is any member of the family who feels left out or inadequate relative to others (Robinson and Blanton, 56). This, however, does not undermine the crucial nature of spending time together in order to strengthen the family ties. Events where family members spend time together do not have to be planned. Spending time with family members eliminates feelings of loneliness and isolation, strengthens relationships and enhances feelings of security. In essence, such events would shape an individual’s character and even give the individual a sense of identity. It is only when people spend time with each other that they would be able to enhance their communication channels and allow for more interconnectedness (Robinson and Blanton, 57).

In addition, strong families have their foundation on security from physical, social and even financial emancipation. As the third picture by Norman Rockwell shows, strong families would still find peace in even in the midst of crisis. It is assumed that the paper that the man is reading is bringing about news about bombings in the locality. However, the woman is tucking the children to bed, something that should actually not happen in the midst of chaos. However, it seems that the family has found a way of maintaining its sanity amid all the chaos in their lives.

Moreover, coping ability is very important in strengthening the family. It is noteworthy that chaos and crisis in one’s life is inevitable even in the case of families. However, chaos can strengthen or break a family depending on the decisions that the family makes (Stinnett and DeFrain, 67). The family should have good coping skills. In coping with chaotic situations, the family should focus on the positive elements in the relationship or their lives. This is referred to as “reframing” by counselors. It prevents individuals from being overwhelmed by difficult situations in their lives. In addition, individuals should pull together in times of crisis so that no one individual bears the total responsibility of resolving the overwhelming situation. With shared responsibility, family members will focus on things that they can undertake in order to help resolve the chaos or cope with them.

Conclusion

Family and marriages have undergone tremendous changes. This could be as a result of cultural, economic and even social changes in the wider society. As much as family structures may not revert to the relatively happier times of yesteryears, it is noteworthy that there are some guiding principles that would safeguard the strength of the family. Enhancing channels of communication between family members of varied ages would be imperative. This not only allows for more interconnectedness but also quick resolution of problems. It should also be possible for the family to incorporate some coping skills. This is especially having in mind that the chaos and crisis are inevitable. They determine the existence of a family and, therefore, coming up with strategies of coping with or eliminating them would be imperative. Strong families are also built on security from emancipation (social, cultural, economic or otherwise).

References

Rupured, M. and Quick, S. Family vitality: characteristics of strong families. Publication H.E. 7-138, University of Kentucky Cooperative Extension Service. 1989. Print

Robinson, L. and Blanton, P. Marital strengths in enduring marriages. Family Relations. London: Oxford Publishers. 1993. Print

Stinnett, N. and DeFrain, J. Secrets of strong families. Boston: Little, Brown and Company. 1985. Print