Recent orders
One of the challenges many people struggle with is alcoholism and misuse of substances of abuse.
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AA Meetings for Alcoholics and Families
One of the challenges many people struggle with is alcoholism and misuse of substances of abuse. The struggles such people go through make it mandatory for organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous to exist to deal with people facing problems stopping to abuse alcohol. There are different kinds of alcoholism meetings that can be found everywhere ranging from families for alcoholics to meetings for families of the alcoholic to closed meetings to open meetings. Individuals affected by alcoholism in one way or the other are free to choose which meeting or organization meets their needs the best. This paper will analyze two kinds of meetings, which include the meetings for alcoholics and the meetings for the family members of the alcoholic. The paper will highlight what happens in both these meetings and identify a number of the discrepancies between the two meetings.
The first meeting I went to was a closed meeting for alcoholics only, which was being held at a community centre in Brooklyn. The name of the group was Alcoholics Anonymous Band it consisted of a number of members. It was on a Tuesday day time and I was taken aback at the quantity because I did not expect so many people would attend. It was my assumption that AA meetings are not usually well attended because of the stigma the society associates them with, so it was difficult for me not to be caught off guard by the number. I was a bit hesitant at attending the meeting because I was afraid of the reception I would get and the response of the people in attendance if they discovered that I was not a member.
All in all, I managed to attend this meeting despite my fears and reservations. Once I entered, a few people noticed my presence but they did not seem to mind it so I picked my way carefully to a nearby seat and sat down quietly. I was wondering what the leader of the group would say if he discovered that I had just come to listen to the proceedings so I was reasonably anxious and I was confident he noticed it. However, I was relieved when he turned to me with a friendly face and smiled at me then he welcomed me to the meeting saying that he hoped the meeting could be of help to me. The gesture relived by the gesture, and it was only then that I was able to look around more closely to the members of the meeting.
I discerned that there were roughly as many men as the women in the room and they all seemed comfortable. They did not show any anxiety at all and I soon found out why. The meeting was operating in a peculiar protocol. The leader had chosen the open meeting criteria and did not expect or force anyone to talk if they did not feel ready. As it follows, I guessed these members felt at home in the presence of each other because they all shared experiences they were familiar with. A member could speak of their experience without the need for the leader to force them. I felt like this was a friendly meeting were everyone was welcome whether they were ready to share their experiences or not. In addition to the twelve steps, I felt that this strategy could be extremely helpful for the alcoholics.
Meeting for Families and Friends
The next meeting I attended was in the same location but at a different time. This time the meeting was held for the families and friends of the alcoholic people, and it was held in the evening. I realized that this meeting had fewer members than the other meeting with more women in attendance than the men. They were also alert that a stranger had joined them when I entered and that shook me a little. There were not so friendly and smiling faces like those that I had seen in the other meeting. This got me to wonder whether this was the best way to admit and invite new members. To me, it was a little bit scary and unwelcoming. However, with a slight nod from the leader I located a bench and sat down to took note of the proceedings. I realized another difference at once. The meeting was open and the alcoholic people could join their parents and friends in the meeting to get help on how to cope. However, the leader was the one asking questions and directing them to specific people.
I was feeling a little frightened in this meeting. In the previous meeting, the leader had made an effort to make me welcome, and the friendly faces around me in the AA meeting were enough to put me at ease. However, in this meeting, I did not feel as welcome and I felt frightened and apprehensive.
I observed my surroundings and I could notice some tense people wondering when their turn to speak up would come. I was feeling the same tension too, as I was not feeling ready or prepared to introduce myself in this meeting. I was feeling discouraged to become a part of this group and I could feel a small voice telling me this was not the most helpful group. The tension I observed in the room, as a result, of the method of interaction used did not look so helpful to me when compared to the closed meeting with the alcoholics. This is because it made the surroundings and the environment unfriendly to share experiences, to pose issues and contribute to concerns with the other members of the group and the leaders. This is extremely detrimental especially when an organization is planning to start a group like this one. An environment that is welcoming, warm and friendly is essential for better outcomes. At the conclusion of the gathering, I was not feeling better at all and I felt that the members did not receive much help from this group. Meetings like these should be designed a way that reaches all individuals and that helps address the concerns of the members.
Life is valuable to me, like life is a race
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‘Life is valuable to me, like life is a race…’
The term life to me has many meanings, but one thing that becomes apparent every time I think about the matter is that life has too much value and that we have to live life as best as we can so as to rip the best things it has to offer us before we run out of time. Life is fast, and unless one values it and lives as if it were valuable, there is a big chance that one can lose out. This paper, therefore, is my story of how I perceive life. Life to me is like a race; a fast race that you either win or lose. To me life has a lot of value and this value has to be utilized to the minimum. The story below will show how I discovered that life is valuable, and how I became to perceive life like a race.
In my younger days, before I developed into the person I am today, I was a troublesome child; hardheaded and set on my ways without the hope of ever listening or considering the views of others. Before all changed, I attended and became a constant member of one of the most common schools on earth; a school that everyone has attended at least once in their lifetime. This school takes in everyone no matter what state, stage or position in life they are in; these things do not matter to this school, and I am sure everyone has gone to the school once. The school am talking about here is the extremely common school in life called the School of Hard Knocks. Up to date I have not come across a more effective, memorable and efficient school in life.
Since I was hard headed, stubborn and set on my ways in more than one way, it is only fair to admit that I got quite a share of this School of Hard Knocks education. I remember listening to a youth counselor in one of the many youth camps I attended. He was talking about how the fastest runner in a race does not always have to reach the finish line before the other runners who might even have started the race at a lesser speed. This seemed like something that had been taken out of the bible as I had attended some bible classes in my days and I was sure there was a verse a verse in the bible that had the same ideology of life.
Little did I know that I would later live the exact experience the youth counselor at summer camp was explaining? At the same camp, we constantly held summer competitions that involved various games such as racing, football, and other kinds of sports. One of the competitions that were being held at that time was a racing competition. I was considered an extremely excellent runner in most of the camps that I had attended, and I was sure that, in this particular camp, I was by far the fastest runner. I was sure would outrun everyone else in this particular race.
The race soon began and as I had thought I was outrunning everyone else and I was way ahead of them in a few seconds, but there was a problem. In the previous three months, I had dislocated my foot ankle, and though it had healed well, I started feeling some discomfort in my bad ankle. The doctor had warned that I should not strain the leg for a number of months, but I assumed that the leg had healed in the three months I had been idle. However, this was not the case, the discomfort increased, and I could not walk or run properly. I started to limp badly, and in no time, the other racers had outrun me and they were way ahead of me. However, I was glad that it was not that serious as no one stopped to see what was going on.
I was able to complete the competition, only, I finished it last. I had anticipated that I would finish first and take home the crown. Someone else, however, won and got to take the coveted price home. I was so sad that someone had taken away something I had wanted so bad, and by the fact that I would not enjoy to watch my parents as they beamed with pride when I showed them the trophy. However, I was glad that my little brother had won more than 10 trophies in math contests. I saw it as a way life evened out my defeat. I am extremely proud and happy to have such a talented brother, and I was glad that his trophies were around to hide the fact that I had not brought home any trophies.
I learned a number of lessons from this experience. For example, I learned that an individual’s talents, abilities and capabilities only count for a small percentage of the successes such an individual achieves later in life. Another lesson I learned is that life can be understood or taken as a race. A race, therefore, can be a good example of how life is. Take, for example, the fact that in a race there are no guaranteed wins. Life is just the same. One can be sure that they have all abilities and resources to achieve certain goals, but at the end, they can fail to achieve the same goals just like a racer can fail to win. It was clear from my experience that there are no guarantees that an individual will always emerge at the top even if they have the capacity to achieve this. It was during this juncture that I remembered my counselor’s words about the fastest winner not always obtaining the trophy, and I realized that his words were true.
There, I was the fastest runner in the camp expecting to emerge the winner; something that was disapproved at the end. Back to life, we can make the same conclusions as in a race. The wise sometimes go without food, and the skillful, in life, are not always the ones driving the biggest cars. Additionally, the most educated people are not always the richest, or the successful individuals in life. It would be fair to conclude that the outcomes of life, just like those of a race are influenced by several variables, and not just by abilities or skills. For example, ones success can be determined by chance, by one being at the right place and being at there at the right time. These variables that determine success not only apply to track racers but also to the skillful, the educated, the wise, strong and the wealthy.
This, however, does not mean that being wealthy, skillful, educated, wise, strong, or having special abilities is wrong. It is quite clear from some examples that good education, or the appropriate skills can contribute to one leading a successful life. Take Bill Gates, for example, his skills, education, wisdom and hard work have made him one of the most successful and wealthiest men worldwide. However, it is essential to realize that, especially after the example with my experience, that there are no guarantees that something is going to go the way one sees it. This means that one’s success is mainly determined by other forces and not just his attributes.
I changed a lot after some of the experiences I got from the school of hard knocks. I spend less time being stubborn and rude, and, as a result, I spend less time in this hardship school.
I realized that some situations can go either way; I could win in some cases or at other times, I could lose. After learning this, I became more comfortable with life, and I realized that I did not always have to win for me to be happy and content. I learned that I should take and value each situation the same; both winning and losing. I later learned that I should never take my winning or losing at face value and that I should consider the overall worth of each situation. For example, if I lost it did not mean all was lost. I could have lost and let someone else win who needed the win much more than I did.
With the exception of some of these bad experiences I had at the school of hard knocks, I had a wonderful time at most of these camps, and I sometimes think that my loosing at that particular race was essential and extremely beneficial for my life. The reason I say this is that, without these experiences, I would not have learned the valuable lessons I learned after I lost that race. Later I discovered that some of the finest teachings are those that we win and never receive a trophy. The experiences life teaches us are prices worth more than other prizes received as trophies. This is because it is not only kind of trophy that helps us learn through valuable lessons and help us mature and grow up into adults who are productive.
Conclusion
As it was indicated in the above story, a race can be exemplified to life. The reason I conclude this way is because in most cases the two have the same goals, and one of them is to emerge successful at the end of hard work. Races can be used as metaphors for life because they impose on individuals the same lessons life imposes on them. For example, one can learn from races and life that winning or becoming successful is not a guarantee, and that at times people lose and other times they win. It was learned from the above story that people should value the outcomes of their just the same.
No considerations of marriage can avoid a discussion of gender issues. Discuss with ethnographic illustrations.
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9. No considerations of marriage can avoid a discussion of gender issues. Discuss with ethnographic illustrations.
Marriage can be defined as a legal contract or a social union that exists between two individuals that creates kinship. It is an institution where interpersonal relations, especially sexual and intimate relations, are acknowledge and accepted in a number of ways depending on the cultures and subcultures of the individuals. It is also referred to as wedlock and it is formalized usually through wedding ceremonies, which also differ according to cultures. There are different reasons for which individuals enter the social union. Some of these reasons include legal reasons, biblical, social, libidinal, economic, emotional, religious or spiritual reasons. Marriages are also can result from such reasons as to fulfill legal obligations for the establishment of a family unit, family obligations or, as a result of arranged marriages, for the protection of children and for the public declaration that the couple is committed to one another. Entering the institution of marriage spells different kinds of legal and normative obligations to the participating parties. In some cases, these obligations might extend to the immediate members of families of the involved individuals. The function, type and characteristics of this social union vary from one culture to another, and can change with time. However, there are two general types of marriages and they include religious marriages and civil marriages, and typically, these social unions apply a combination of both (Bell 237- 54).
Anthropologists have proposed several definitions of marriage for the purposes of including a wide variety of practices in marriage observed in different cultures. For example, an anthropologist, Westermarck, defined marriage as a connection that is more or less durable between female and male lasting beyond the mere activities of reproduction, until the offspring has been produced (Westermarck 71a). In another one of his publications, Westermarck went contrary to his prior definition of marriage by arguing that marriage is a relation of one or more women, or of one or more men, which is recognized by either law or custom (Westermarck 3b). Another definition of marriage is the one seen in the anthropological publication Notes and Queries that defines marriage as a union between a woman and a man which allows for the birth of children to the women, and become the legitimate and legally recognized off springs of the two partners (Notes and Queries on Anthropology 110). Gough, on the other hand, defines marriage as a union between a woman and one or more individuals, (Gough 23- 34), this was after he recognized such practices as those practiced by some cultures such as those in Sudan, whereby women were at times allowed to act as husbands and marry wives.
The definition of Gough, however, has been widely criticized by some anthropologists who argue that the definition is too restrictive in regards to recognizing the legal off springs of the married individuals and instead argued that marriage should be seen in terms of the different kinds of rights it seeks to establish and serve. One of these critics is Leach who expanded the definition of Gough to propose that marriage should be defined as the relationship that exists between a woman and any other person, which provides that an off spring be born to the woman under such circumstances or situation that are not prohibited by the relationship rules. He further argued that no one particular marriage definition applied to more than one cultures (Gudeman 131).
As these different definitions of marriage indicate, marriage is a union that is formed between a man and woman or between a woman and any other person. The issue of whom the woman or man gets married to has been an issue of debate since time in memorial. Different cultures allow a marriage to exist between two individuals of the same sex, while the majority of cultures consider this kind of marriage immoral, unnatural and illegal. The issue of same sex marriages, therefore, is going to form a large part of this paper, in that, the paper will show and analyze the different kinds of gender- related issues that affect and influence the institution of marriage (Schultz and Lavenda 332- 46).
One of the main reasons as to why individuals get married is for the purposes of forming a kinship. Most anthropologists are interested in the issue of kinship because it is the kind of relationship that results from family, marriage or other essential arrangements in culture. There are two main kinds of kinship relationships that exist today, and they include affinal kinship, which is, because of marriage or law, and consanguinial kinship, which results from blood relations. It is through these two kinds of kinship that a transmission of ideas, goods and behavior occurs. Kinship is a term used to describe as sense of being another individual’s relative through sharing, descent or marriage. Kinship provides for the basis of examination and study of different kinds of partnership, reproduction, and community throughout the world (Minnesota State University 21- 34).
Another thing that is critical in the analysis of this paper is sexual orientation of individuals. Sexual orientation can be defined as a sexual pattern and emotional attraction based on one’s partner gender. Heterosexuality, therefore, refers to the sexual and emotional attraction between both women and men. In the general American culture, heterosexuality is the only form of sexual orientation that has received complete legal and social legitimacy. However, though heterosexuality is seen as the ‘normal’ form of sexual orientation in the US, it should be noted that many other different societies and cultures have perspectives that are widely varied about sexual orientation and sexuality (Elkridge 1419 1513).
There are different forms of sexual orientations that have been observed in different kinds of cultures and societies, and it is these forms of sexual orientations that govern marriages. These include homosexuality, pansexuality, bisexuality, transgender and asexual. Homosexuality is the sexual orientation, which makes one sexually and emotionally attracted to individuals of the same sex, for example, gays and lesbians. Bisexuality, on the other hand, is the sexual orientation that makes one sexually and emotionally attracted to both females and males. When one has the ability to attract individuals from either gender or biological sex, including those who fall outside the binary of male or female are said to be pansexual, while those who do not have any apparent sex organs or sex are referred to as asexual. Transgender individuals are those whose sexual identity does not match their assigned sex (Elkridge 1419 1513).
Although the institution of marriages dates from ancient history, most cultures have their own legends and narratives of how marriage came to being. The way in which the marriage is conducted and the ramifications and rules governing the institution of marriage has changed from time to time, as has the marriage itself, depending on the demographic and culture of the individuals involved. Additionally, various cultures have their own theories as to why they participate in marriage. One example is to be assured of the paternity of his off springs. For this reason, the man might be willing to pay dowry to the parents of his bride so as to exclusively access sexual benefits. The consequence of this form of marriage is legitimacy rather than its motivation. In addition, various marriage practices exist in different culture throughout the globe. In some societies, an individual is limited to only one partner at a time, while other cultures allow for a man or a woman to have more than one partner during the course of their marriage. Some other societies also allow marriage institutions to be practiced between two women or two men. Frequently, societies usually have other marriage restrictions depending on the age of the participants, their pre- existing kinship, gender and their membership on social or religious groups (Schultz and Lavenda 332- 46).
In the past few years, a number of questions and issues pertaining homosexuality have risen. Homosexuality has become an issue of debate, and a worrying social and moral phenomenon even in societies where it does not present any essential legal issue. There have generally been a larger number of opposers of the issue of same- sex relations than the supporter, and there have been numerous reasons given to support the argument s against homosexual marriages (Smith 232- 34).
In most societies, and especially in the United States, members of the transsexual, lesbian, bisexual, gay and questioning groups have only just begun to be recognized as a legal part of the society. However, there are still a large number of prejudices that occur against members of these groups, and hate crimes are not unheard of. Even though these groups have lived through this harassment and discrimination for a long period of time, they are still making notable improvements in the United States to improve their lives and the lives of anyone else who associates with the LGBTQ community. This is being made possible through the legalization of same sex marriages at the government level. As a result, five different states in the US have made same sex marriages and relationships legal. These include Connecticut, New York, Iowa, Massachusetts and New Jersey. Although these seem to be huge steps the United States is taking, other nations such as Belgium and Canada have also allowed gay marriages and partnerships, among other countries. The ever-spreading clubs have also been indicated to be playing significant roles in promoting awareness and equality in the society of the LGBTQ groups. However, the support has not been complete. Many individuals with conservative views are more inclined to not support these kinds of partnerships and may even discriminate against these groups (Rupp 287- 304).
This phenomenon of same sex marriage and partnerships has not just recently emerged. For example, it is believed that women in Sudan in the ancient times, and even now, were allowed to marry other women. In this culture, which is known as the Nuer culture, a woman can take another woman for a wife and become the father of the children of the woman who has been married. As part of this kind of union, there is a difference between the genitor and the pater. The pater is the woman who marries another woman and assumes the role of a husband, while the genitor is s neighbor, a friend, or a relative of the pater who is used to get the wife of the pater pregnant, and help the two women around the home with the activities that are regarded as unfit for women. Aside from the few activity the genitor assumes, the pater is the ‘man’ of the house and, therefore, assumes most of the responsibilities the usual husbands take. If wealthy enough, these women are allowed to marry as many women as they want (Amato 1267- 87).
Another society, which indicates that gender was not essential in marriage, is the ancient Greece. In this society, same sex relations between men were seen as normal and they were considered to be the highest type of love to ever exist between humans. As a result, these kinds of relationships were accepted and common just as the relations between men and women were. This relationship was built on a reciprocity and love basis, and typically required an older man to initiate a relationship with a younger male. This relationship was said to show the ability of men to further themselves in intelligence and knowledge, and, therefore, was not regarded as a form of physical connection. The men were still required to take wives and reproduce children (Stayskal 34- 76).
Though such relations are accepted in a number of societies as it has been indicated, most societies in the world have illegalized and banned same- sex relationships and marriages. There are various reasons behind this failure to acknowledge same sex relationships and most of them are based on religion, social norms and morality. Most cultures refuse to recognize same sex relations on the basis that they go against rules of nature. They argue that men and women were created to be with different sexes and not the same sexes, and that breaking this rule is tantamount to immorality and social decay. Others cite religious reasons arguing that God created women and men so that they could be with each other and that if he so wished he could have created men and men or women and women. However, one of the most essential arguments against same sex marriages is based on reproduction (Hobhouse 67- 89).
Most anthropological definitions of reproduction indicate that reproduction is the process through which new members of a society are brought into being, through conception, pregnancy, birth of the child, and raising of the child. As a result, marriage has been practiced in most societies for this purpose. It is for this reason why most individuals disagree to agree or recognize same- sex marriages because they do not provide for this function (James 56- 98).
Conclusion
The issue of gender when it comes to marriages has had a significant position in the society since time in memorial, and has earned so much attention because of the many implications and functions marriage has in the society. Same- sex relations are accepted in some communities but they remain illegal in most societies. Marriage is seen as a place where new members of a society are produced, it is also seen as place where the needs of an individual, those related to intimacy and sexuality are fulfilled. It is the difference in perceptions and ideologies of how these relations should be and how families and kinships should be made that result to differences in how individuals feel about the issue of gender in marriage.
Works cited
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